i made a silent new year's resolution to never blog about she who shall not be named again.
resolution fail. i was right. never make resolutions. they never stick. and it's only been 10days in. mega fail.
christmas was 2 weeks ago - my attempt to see if i were ready to be friends in form of a christmas greeting.
but it was ignored. not even a mere response.
a sense of disappointment and anger ensued.
i contemplated sending another at new years, but i learnt my lesson, and didnt bother.
it's kinda hard to swallow, but on the one hand, while i know she probably doesnt think too much of the message, i cant help but be a little optimistic.
im not sure what the point of this entry is.
1. im pretty sure i dont want a relationship with kat. not like how she is now anyways, all hippie and seemingly trying so hard to be different/like her friends (cant you just be yourself? that part of kat i fell in love with's gone..), the thought of being together and having the potential to have my heart broken all over again, naaaah.
2. im disappointed, and probably always will be, that im not remotely a part of her life at all - how did i go from being impt, to nothing?
3. i miss being able to encourage her, pushing her along, assuring her and telling her that she's awesome. admiring her quiet confidence (but is it still there?)
4. i do miss kat, just her as a person in general. i miss being able to pick up the phone and telling her stuffs, and repeating my stories time and again. (which is a contradiction really, looking at 1. it's weird. my brain's weird).
but whatevs. she's happy in her own world with her new friends.
i'll never regret our relationship. we did alot as a couple. cant say i know anyone who's been in a 1year r/ship and have travelled that much in such a short period.
im no longer all that upset about our breakup. though it does still sting every now and again.
but me thinks for now, i'll just remain an asexual lesbian. im too busy house hunting and being boring. i'll leave it all to fate from here on out.
