a huge fight with the sister, which resulted in me getting slapped, and her saying a string of horrible words eg "no wonder you're single".
a sense of failure, disappointment.
i found myself hurdled in a corner, crying my eyes out, needing desperately to talk to someone and wail; im going through my phone book, and scrolling to the one name i know i shouldnt even be looking at.
just knowing that a year ago i would've been able to just hit 'connect' and have her listen to me and comfort me, knowing she'd understand, and have something nice to say.
but that's not meant to be.
i beam at my self control. i didnt hit connect. i was that close to doing so - told myself she doesnt care.
what's the meaning of all this? why is there a fall back to old feelings that are (for the most part) dissipated, when situations are crappy and awful?
what is lacking? comfort? connection? love?
why cant emotions and feelings and just go back to when i knew nothing about love?
roar.
