so im not entirely sure if it's the girl, or me.
i caught myself thinking about the ex just yesterday.. short 30sec relapse wondering 'what if it were kat, and not esther?'
and then i realised today, that as much as i want to love again, i don't know if i can bring myself to do it.
the girl likes me. that much she's made clear.
but there's something that's stopping me from making too many moves for fear of leading her on (right. as if i havnt already dug my grave by hugging and kissing her...)
is it her age? or is it the innate fear of putting myself out there and at risk of losing it all again?
am i so horny that im capable of using her for this one purpose?
or do i (to a certain degree) actually like her, but am stopping myself short?
or maybe i just don't like her all that much, and im in it cos i simply get to hug and kiss a girl...?
but there's something about her.. that's intriguing.. her family history.. why she is the way she is.. i want to get to know her.
and then there's her voice when she sings..
and so here lies the contradiction.
