am i really that difficult?

i realise and understand that i can be emotionally demanding. but i feel like time and again i keep having to be the one to compromise. i feel like she hasn't learnt anything from our previous arguments. or maybe it's not that she's not learning, but that she's just plain tired of me..

essentially it's the same fight over and over and over. and i've explained previously - that whilst she's the type that likes to be left alone, i don't operate that way. i've haven't been rude nor sarcastic (ok maybe a tiny bit). but i did try, i held my tongue hard! i also think i'm less needy that i used to be (though i could probably be even less)..

but what has she done to bend my way?
she asks me what's troubling me, and i tell her. but when it's about her, she gets defensive, and she feels maligned, that i wrong her and i'm 'being like this'.

am i really that demanding??
i'm not even asking her to check in with me every minute of the bloody day.
all i'm asking for is a little bit more effort than a fucking sms; just a little bit of spontaneity than the norm.

perhaps iv assumed everything incorrectly. maybe she has made compromises that im not aware of. have i misinterpreted the online speak (which i thought we previously agreed wasn't the best means of communication for us, but somehow or other we still end up using)?

we haven't spoken all day - she doesn't know i skipped the afternoon off and came to work after all...

how long will this go for? when will this time out end?

i miss yan. does she, me? i wonder.


edited 3 July 1.26am - sent