"By accident of birth, this is the father you got. He's not
getting any more honest, any deeper, any better. That means that if you keep
expecting him to behave with integrity, or hoping he'll become a good father, or
decrying that he isn't one, you'll keep renewing your disappointment, and grief,
in perpetuity.
You don't expect you'll grow 10 inches and play pro hoops, or that your dog will to learn to drive, right? You accept limits and live accordingly. So, build expectations of Dad that reflect nothing more than the reality of who he is -- then watch as existential let downs stop dominating your life. It's wish-fulfilment with no change in paternal dosage.
That's because it's not your father's shortcomings that preoccupy you; it's your hopes for a different outcome."
You don't expect you'll grow 10 inches and play pro hoops, or that your dog will to learn to drive, right? You accept limits and live accordingly. So, build expectations of Dad that reflect nothing more than the reality of who he is -- then watch as existential let downs stop dominating your life. It's wish-fulfilment with no change in paternal dosage.
That's because it's not your father's shortcomings that preoccupy you; it's your hopes for a different outcome."
