so here's a self diagnosis - it's something i've known all along.
i have low self esteem and insecurity issues.
and iv often wondered if that stemmed from my father leaving us.
i know for a fact, that to this day, I have not forgiven him, and it's reflective in the way i speak to him, and my lack of interest in interacting with him, in spite of the fact that he has kidney failure and needs a transplant, but that's a different story altogether.
i have an innate fear of people leaving. people i love, leaving me. people who i thought would never leave, leaving.
charmaine, kat, jeanette, kimberley, junwei, my father.
and most recently, rebecca, pulling the disappearing act.
i guess im just a bit over letting someone in to what i thought was a friendship building (and maybe more), and then have it all come crumbling down.
im tired of people tell me they love me, then disappear, and forget that you even exist.
im a good person. sure i have my flaws, but i make a excellent friend. im a good listener, and a great supporter. i will be the most dependable person if you needed me to. i give and i give, and i dont expect much in return.
those who've let me go, are idiots. is all i will say. bahahahahaaaa.
